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i don’t know. i surprise myself when i discover my boundaries in space. they never are where i expect them to be and i still scrutinise my reflection in the mirror, my backwards face, searching for something, a sign, anything, that tells me it’s me. not so desperate, now; just clumsy and confused. everything’s exhausting, and i’m taking my iron and i’m still so tired by the end of the day. calculating and re-calculating wears me out and wears me down and i’d say wears me thin but i can never tell for sure. she gave me a name, and later on the phone my father said they’re only words and don’t get too wrapped up in them and people need to make categories but once the words are out there they’re real and they are mine, maybe. something solid to grasp when i can’t tell what’s real. today i ran three kilometres, up a hill and back down, and my feet hit the footpath like a metronome and i counted my breaths. no boundaries, there; i bleed into the air and i am the thudding of my heart and the tension in my calves. told her i don’t panicky-exercise any more but maybe that was an unintentional lie because maybe i do. you can get used to anything, probably; don’t notice the water you swim in.
Tagged: #i guess that makes it official
I took the wind from the sea
I took the blood from an arrow
I took the wisdom of spring
I was thrown and blown and tossed and turned
Until time found its hand and called it an end
Me and time we go way back when
I was a child, and I always knew why
I knew my name, oh I knew my road
And I stayed away from heavy loads
And still I’m low,
Oh Lord, am I low.
knife edges, again
it’s all so messy, you know? and i don’t like messy
i know everyone cares about irish dance as much as, like, other sports so i’m going to talk about my weekend because it was pretty good, if kind of strange.
came eleventh at states
officially not last
teams tomorrow morning